Playing a Violin with Three Strings

I recently got an e-mail - one of those "feel good" and "pass it on" kinds. Normally, I read them, enjoy them, and delete them. But this one seemed worthy of a mention, and a repeat. It's by an unknown author.

On Nov. 18, 1995, Itzhak Perlman, the violinist, came on stage to give a concert at Avery Fisher Hall at Lincoln Center in New York City. If you have ever been to a Perlman concert, you know that getting on stage is no small achievement for him. He was stricken with polio as a child, and so he has braces on both legs and walks with the aid of two crutches. To see him walk across the stage one step at a time, painfully and slowly, is an awesome sight.

He walks painfully, yet majestically, until he reaches his chair. Then he sits down, slowly, puts his crutches on the floor, undoes the clasps on his legs, tucks one foot back and extends the other foot forward. Then he bends down and picks up the violin, puts it under his chin, nods to the conductor and proceeds to play.

By now, the audience is used to this ritual. They sit quietly while he makes his way across the stage to his chair. They remain reverently silent while he undoes the clasps on his legs. They wait until he is ready to play.

But this time, something went wrong. Just as he finished the first few bars, one of the strings on his violin broke. You could hear it snap - it went off like gunfire across the room. There was no mistaking what that sound meant. There was no mistaking what he had to do. We figured that he would have to get up, put on the clasps again, pick up the crutches and limp his way off stage - to either find another violin or else find another string for this one. But he didn't. Instead, he waited a moment, closed his eyes and then signaled the conductor to begin again.

The orchestra began, and he played from where he had left off. And he played with such passion and such power and such purity as they had never heard before.

Of course, anyone knows that it is impossible to play a symphonic work with just three strings. I know that, and you know that, but that night Itzhak Perlman refused to know that.

You could see him modulating, changing, re-composing the piece in his head. At one point, it sounded like he was de-tuning the strings to get new sounds from them that they had never made before. When he finished, there was an awesome silence in the room. And then people rose and cheered. There was an extraordinary outburst of applause from every corner of the auditorium. We were all on our feet, screaming and cheering, doing everything we could to show how much we appreciated what he had done.

He smiled, wiped the sweat from this brow, raised his bow to quiet us, and then he said - not boastfully, but in a quiet, pensive, reverent tone - "You know, sometimes it is the artist's task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left."

What a powerful line that is. It has stayed in my mind ever since I heard it. And who knows? Perhaps that is the definition of life - not just for artists but for all of us. Here is a man who has prepared all his life to make music on a violin of four strings, who, all of a sudden, in the middle of a concert, finds himself with only three strings; so he makes music with three strings, and the music he made that night with just three strings was more beautiful, more sacred, more memorable, than any that he had ever made before, when he had four strings.

So, perhaps our task in this shaky, fast-changing, bewildering world in which we live is to make music, at first with all that we have, and then, when that is no longer possible, to make music with what we have left.

Overcoming Overwhelm

Yesterday I attended a meeting of the Tucson Coaches Alliance, a collaboration of life and business coaches in the Tucson Arizona area. The topic of the meeting was "Overcoming Entrepreneurial Overwhelm." Wow - what a timely topic!

If any of you are anything like me, you probably spend a lot of very productive time in overwhelm mode. I actually find that I get a lot done when under pressure, have more energy when more energy is required, and like being busy. There are times, however, when the overwhelming tasks (that irrationally take on mythically important proportions) get me over the hump of being productively busy, and send me into a panicked state that is almost paralyzing. It is times like that when I become anxious, distracted, and my productivity decreases.

Recognizing when the line between being busy and being overwhelmed is close to being crossed is crucial in being able to overcome that overly-anxious feeling of being under pressure and crunched for time. In myself, I know it's coming when I stop taking time to really listen to what people are saying to me. I find myself ruminating about the same things, being compulsively perfectionistic about things that don't really matter, and losing focus of priorities and tasks that really ARE important. I dawdle over things that are insignificant, out of panic and fear at some of the bigger, scarier tasks that need to be tackled.

Some great suggestions that came out of the coaches collaboration, and from a free e-book offered at www.inspiredentrepreneurs.com:

1. Practice extreme self-care. This may mean taking time out to get a haircut, pedicure, or massage. It may mean taking some alone time to read a good book, and get out of your head.

2. Visualize the finished product or accomplishment, and then make a list of tasks in chronological order that can be accomplished in order to get where you need to be - when you need to be there. As a list maker myself, this is a great suggestion. And by chronologically listing the events, tasks, and priorities that have the most leverage (have the biggest impact on the finished project) this keeps me from being distracted by details, until all the big stuff is done.

3. Vacation - it's mandatory!

4. Know your Overwhelm Set-Point. This will differ for everyone, of course. We all have different thresholds of tolerance for anxiety and overwhelm. Know yours, and recognize when you're not just busy - you're overwhelmed.

5. Ask for help, and delegate responsibilities that others can do - even if there's no way on earth they can ever do them as well as you can. :)

6. Do what you absolutely must, and UN-do what you can't, don't want to, or isn't an absolute necessity. (You might need to say no to some things you don't want to.)

7. Ask yourself - is it that you truly don't have enough time, or aren't wisely using the time you have? (This is a biggie for me. Better Time Management Skills can un-whelm a good meaning person.)

8. Acknowledge all the things you DO get done. If you don't cross out those must-dos on your to-dos list, then add all the things you did that were never on the list in the first place. Give yourself some credit!

9. Get Involved and Get Outside Yourself! Be a community member, good friend, and active part of the world outside of your office, your cubicle, or your house.

10. Search for wisdom. Talk to people whom you admire, who are good at managing stress, and ask them for suggestions. What do they do? They may have a great suggestion that is the golden ticket that will help you avoid the overwhelming feelings of obligation and time that too often disrupt our flow and stop our creative processes.

The World Will Have to Go Without

We've lost one of the greats, I'm afraid.

Jane, one of our dear personal training clients and friends for over 7 years, passed away suddenly last month. It was a shock, to say the least, and we will all dearly miss those hugs!

She and her husband, Tom, were inseparable. Although married for some thirty years, they were very close. We all referred to them as "Tom and Jane." It was never "Tom" or "Jane." Always "Tom-n-Jane." They were our fitness clients for years, but have always been more than that. They were always present for even the littlest celebrations - birthday dinners, open houses, seminars, speaking engagements - wherever they could be to show support and loyalty.

Alhtough we are fortunate to be able to continue to work with Tom and enjoy his friendship, we will miss Jane, and will all have fond memories of Patron-night, and of course those great hugs that greeted us every time we saw her.

Resiliency: Coping With Adversity

“Life is not a matter of holding good cards but of playing a poor hand well.” —Robert Louis Stevenson.

As President (and newsletter editor) for a local psychological association, the Adlerian Society of Arizona, I am called upon (nay, I volunteer) to choose an appropriate theme for each edition of the newsletter, and ask (nay, beg) for my fellow Adlerians' contributions. I try to make each newsletter relevant and interesting, (and worthy of the 25 bucks in annual dues that the members spend to belong to our fledgling group.)

The following is my contribution to the ASA Fall Newsletter, on the topic of overcoming challenges, and fostering resiliency in our youth:

Resiliency, or the ability to “bounce back” from adversity and challenge, is a trait (or perhaps a skill-set) that I’m sure we as counselors, parents, and/or educators, hope to foster in others: our children, our students, our clients, and even in ourselves. We know that being resilient is necessary to be able to get over huge obstacles, maintain perspective, move forward, and overcome setbacks. Without resiliency, any unfortunate event, accident, or loss can result in giving up, learned helplessness, hopelessness, and even a lack of social interest.

Whenever I think of resiliency, I can’t help but think about my experiences as a Probation Officer in the Juvenile Court system and the many children I encountered there who lived in unspeakable conditions and in the most dysfunctional of circumstances. Amid the many terribly “troubled” kids in the system, there were always a rare few who were amazingly resilient, who were somehow able to make it against the odds, making me wonder where they got the strength to cope and exist in a world that, to them, must have seem terribly unfair and difficult.

Just as there are some children from great families who mess up, and have to learn many of life’s lessons “the hard way,” there are, too, many children who come from dysfunction and despair, who somehow make it, and somehow survive amazingly well—despite poverty, affliction, criminal families, lack of education, and a lack of social or moral values or role models. I would often wonder, in my years of working with some of the most troubled teens in town, what the secret was. What was it that made it possible for one kid to be capable of coping with his ugly world, overcoming problems, turning his life around, and abiding by societal rules, when another from a similar background just couldn’t seem to be able to get it together?

Fortunately, much research has been done on the topic of Resiliency, and Tucson is fortunate to be a leader in the Resiliency Movement. The Tucson Resiliency Initiative (TRI) is “a grassroots effort to promote resiliency” by mobilizing all aspects of the community - particularly schools - to build resiliency in youth.

According to “Introduction to Resiliency” by Katie Frey, Ph.D., researchers in this field have identified characteristics common to children who have succeeded “against the odds.” These protective factors include many traits that can be developed by using principles that we (as Adlerians) identify as being Adlerian in nature, including: encouragement, respect, and social interest.

Dr. Frey identifies resilient children as those who are: "self-reliant, independent, self-controlled, hopeful, and who have an internal locus of control, and a sense of purpose."

So what can we do to help foster these qualities and create an environment for our children that is condusive to resiliency? As Adlerians, we already know. To learn resiliency, we can and must aim to provide: access to resources for meeting basic needs, access to leadership positions, opportunities for decision-making, and meaningful participation in the community.

Dr. Frey's other suggestions for the community to help foster resiliency include: "creating an environment where there is unconditional acceptance by at least one other person, having clear and enforced boundaries, encouraging pro-social values, appreciating an individual’s unique talents, and creating and maintaining a positive school climate with teachers and positive adults who truly care."

So as the school year begins, and many of us resume (or continue) in our efforts to make the world a more encouraging and resilient place, keep in mind that the single most important thing you can do in the life of a child is to love him or her, and teach the importance of positive attitude, social interest, encouragement, and unconditional acceptance.

For more information on resiliency, check out these resources:
www.tucsonresiliency.org
www.raisingresilientkids.com
www.resiliency.com