For those of you with big "BUTs"

If you watch Saturday Night Live, you know about "Debbie the Downer." She's the Queen of ego deflation, dream crushing, and all aroud "Down-ness." You may have a friend like that - never seems to let anyone around them be happy, or dream big. Heck - you may even BE a friend like that.

Of course, I'd like to say that I'm never like that - that I always see the positive, and that I never let the "yeah, BUT" get me down. But I can't. I do fall victim to my big "BUT" occasionally, and usually with very dissatisfying and negative-spiraling results.

Two months ago, if you had talked to me about the Laws of Attraction, I might have nodded, and thought, "uh-huh. Right..."

These days, my perspective has changed. For the better.

I guess it's a principle that has been evidenced my whole life. Common tenets: The more you do, the more there is to do; the more you learn, the more you realize how little you know; the more ideas you have, the more creativity leads you to have bigger, greater, and more creative ideas! The more energy you expend (especially with exercise), the more energy you have. And on and on. So good or bad, the law of attraction states that what you put forth to the world will come back at you in a big way - like a boomerang with a GPS device attached.

I'm a believer.

I absolutely love thinking big, dreaming about possibilities, and seeing potential greatness in the smallest things. And I'd love to say that I'm a big picture kind of girl - eye on the prize, and all that.... But, all too often, I get caught up in the "yeah, buts...." I admit it. I'm working on it. I get it.

I'll have a great idea, and thoroughly enjoy exploring it, researching it, and dreaming about it becoming reality. When I'm on that "edge of possibility" and thinking of all the great things that something could lead to, all is well with the world. And then my big "BUT" gets in the way, and deflates my dream, and jerks me right back to reality.

My favorite (formerly used) self-defeating big 'ole BUTS:

• If it's such a great idea, why hasn't anyone else done it already?
• If it has been done before, then someone else is already doing it better, faster, and more economically.
• You better go study some more, 'ya big fraud.
• It's too complicated, and it's not your area of expertise.
• A billion people are in the process of doing the exact same thing right now, so by the time you've spent all your time and energy on it, someone else will have capitalized on your idea. And all that waste of time!
• What if it sucks?
• If it doesn't suck, you won't be able to handle all the success.
• You have a billion (yes, I tend to overexaggerate) other half-baked, half-finished projects. You have no business starting anything else.
• Your house is a mess. You should do some chores before you do the fun stuff.

What would it be like to live a life of possibility, opportunity, spontaneity, and potential? It would be awesome! There would be no "oh, woe is me" or "Now why'd 'ya go and do that?"

I want that life! I would love to live in a state of optimism, productivity, and ideas. To surround myself with people like me who are driven, motivated, and full of ideas and things they want to learn! To think, to explore, to research, and then to make things happen! To get back all that energy, positivism, and happiness! To feel successful at every single thing I tried! My heart is racing just thinking about it!

So as of right now I resolve to stop myself from letting my BIG 'OLE BUT get in the way, and will try desperately to let ideas and opportunities play themselves out before I let my BUT intervene and muck it up. I will keep my mouth shut when someone shares a great idea that I don't think can work. I will allow others around me to enjoy whatever stage of their project they are in, without offering "realistic and logical" suggestions - no matter how helpful they might be. I will stop trying to think about all the things that could go wrong, and just think about all the things that could go right.

And I could start right now. But I might not be able to.

I know, I know.

Do you ever feel like that's all you say to people? Especially when you've got a long list of self-imposed to-do's, and the people around you, who really are just trying to be helpful, like to remind you of all the things you've committed to doing?

I hate the words "need to" and "should." They ruin momentum and drain energy. Is it just me? Or do others dislike being told what to do, too? I hate the "shoulds." Someone I know calls them "musterbations." Someone else asked me why I constantly "should" on myself. :) I don't know why, but I should stop it.

Well, I should go. I need to do some stuff.

What are you "chicken" about?

I've recently been given a task. One that scares me:

To define a vision for my coaching practice, and to then devise a plan to make it into the vision I have....

It's a daunting task, but not unlike those that I ask of my coaching clients nearly every day.

The vision, of course, is the easy part. Seeing what you want - having a successful business; gaining respect of co-workers; having satisfaction in one's job; having an energetic, strong and fit physical body - all of those things are great to envision. Those are things we want. Those are things we deserve! And, often, those are things we will have to work hard to get. And are often things that scare us to death.

And that's when the work begins.

All too often the things we want most desperately (or at least say that we do) are the things that intimidate us, and often result in our freezing in fear, giving up, or postponing action until it's so uncomfortable NOT to change that we're nearly forced into it. What a shame. Kinda takes all the pleasure out of the process, doesn't it?

So my new affirmation is to do (and force myself to do, if I must) the things that scare me most: writing, taking risks, talking to new clients, and trying new things that I know are good for me. That will mean doing a few things I don't want to do - or things that scare me - because I want the end result. And it's worth it. I know that some things will be uncomfortable, perhaps unpleasant, and even painful, but that I can't claim the prize without running the race.

I'm learning that the fear that holds us back can in some ways actually be a good thing - it can protect us from getting hurt; it can warn us of danger; it can keep us "safe." But it can also be the force that holds us still, keeps us stuck, and leads to complacency and ultimately boredom with our lives.

I don't know about you - but I don't want to ever be bored with my life. I don't want to be in my 70s and wish I had done this, or tried that.

So I encourage you to think: What are the things, at the end of my life, that I will be glad I at least tried? In my last days, what are the things I will regret not having done, because I was a chicken?

THOSE are the things that should be first on our list of things to do tomorrow, and if possible to complete in the next 12 months. Because I hate to tell you, but there aren't that many more "12 months" in any of our lives, and all we have is now.

So what have you done today to step out of your comfort zone, challenge yourself, and improve your life, your body, your career, or your relationships? Why wait until the end of your days? Heck - what have you done TODAY to improve the quality of your life?

Like it or not - you're always moving, and if you're not moving forward, you're actually moving backward. In life, there is no standing still. You're either going with it, or it's passing you by and you're missing today's opportunities.

So get off the computer right now and go do SOMETHING that you've wanted to do, something you've needed to do but haven't made time yet, or something that at the end of the day you will be proud of yourself for. I'm going to go do the same.

Life Coaching Training School

I just returned from what was an awesome week, both professionally and personally. I attended a Coach Training course in Phoenix, and spent an incredible 5 days getting to know a dynamic, diverse group of coaches (or those considering becoming coaches) who have left me really feeling inspired, encouraged, and ready for action!

Part of our coach training includes having the opportunity to be coached by our peers on various issues. (Yes, we all have "issues"!) How lucky I was to be part of this particular group!

After a week with my group of new friends, I have committed to action toward some of my own personal and professional goals, and I can hardly wait until tomorrow to begin acting on my "action plan" that my coach(es) helped me develop. WOW! The power of coaching - once again affirmed.

Special thanks and recognition to my fellow coaches and coach-ees:

Jill, a like mind in many ways, whom I know I will remain friends with for a long, long time - I love how you hear what isn't even said; Christy with the sweet voice and spirit to match; Roberto, the thinker, who got me thinking, too; Darlene, our mentor and facilitator, who truly models all that a great coach is and can be; Connie, the international speaker with a truly global presence (even when she's just right there in the room with you) whose direct and "let's get to it" approach was exactly what I needed (am really looking forward to working with you!); C.J.,my fellow Tucsonan and future lunch-date friend. Thanks for letting me see the excitement and enthusiasm of a GREAT coach-in-the-making explore this incredible profession; Debi, who says just the right thing at the right moment (still thinking about the wind-up toy analogy); Sandra, whose generosity and thoughtfulness makes me want to do something nice for someone else (It's good to be good!); MJ, MerJo, MoJo, whose laugh is totally contagious, and who makes me realize the importance of not taking oneself too seriously; Susie, who has powerful words of wisdom that the world could benefit from hearing (I know I certainly can - you "caught me" mid-excuse and turned me around before I even knew what happened; Linda, whose presence in the world of coaching makes me so proud to be a part of it - not only are you a good coach for your clients, but you are good for the profession!

Thank you, Friends!

Life is a Metaphor

Over the past several weeks, I have had the opportunity to work with some personal training clients who live on the opposite side of town than I do. In making that long drive three times a week, I have a lot of time to contemplate. (This can be both good and bad.)

Last Monday morning, after instructing my 6:30 am Boot Camp Fitness Class, I was leaving East Tucson and heading back to "my side" of town. It was 7:30 am and traffic was extremely heavy. People (including me) were in a terrible rush to get to wherever they were headed. Some were talking on their phones, others were cutting in and out of traffic, still others were running lights or tailgating, and all of them completely oblivious to the needs of anyone else outside the comfort of their own vehicles.

As I approached a particularly busy intersection, traffic was beginning to back up. There appeared to be construction going on. There were cones set up in the road, indicating that anyone in the right lane (that would be mine, of course,) would have to merge into the left lane.

Like everyone else, my first thought was, "Why do they have to do this now?" But here I was, stuck in the "wrong" lane, like it or not, so I took a deep breath and tried to contain my aggravation. I inched forward, little by little, turned on my blinker indicating that I wanted to merge with the left-lane drivers, and after several failed attempts at subtlety, even tried a little honk with the horn.

I tried to be patient. I tried to be kind. No use. The cars in the left lane zoomed by me, one by one, ignoring my blinker, ignoring my open window and pleading gestures, and completely ignoring the fact that I, too, had someplace important to be. I had just had the bad luck of being in the wrong lane at the wrong time. The drivers looked through me completely, as if I were invisible, or even worse - looked at me with pity, but they didn't budge. They didn't slow down. They didn't let me in. They squeezed together tightly, so I couldn't creep in with the corner of my little car. And they left me there through 3 green lights and red lights, until finally, a kind soul slowed down just enough to let my front bumper into the line.

Of course, by that time, the light had turned red for a fourth time, so I sat in the middle of both lanes, half-merged into thru traffic, and felt defeated, waiting for the light to turn. But I was awfully grateful to that soul that had let me in and made the universal "thanks for letting me in" wave that we all know so well.

It occurred to me that day that the experience was a metaphor of life. That morning I was unlucky, like many of us, to have been caught unexpectedly in the wrong lane at the wrong time. How often do we wait in the "traffic" and chaos of our day, waiting to merge into a lane that wants nothing to do with us - wants nothing to do with our problems? Lessons in life can be big or small. That day it was small, but it got me thinking. There are metaphors in all things, including the lesson I learned that day. Forgive me if this one seems hokey, corny, or just plain stupid to you. For me, it was an epiphany.

Often, as we go down the path of our lives, the traffic is flowing smoothly, things are going well, people are doing what they're supposed to be doing, and things are going our way. Then there is suddenly an obstacle in our road. We get detoured. Something or someone gets in our path, requiring us to change direction, change plan, and find an alternate route that will still get us to our desired destination. We may get sick, have a death or illness in the family, get in an argument with someone we love, or struggle with any other number of life issues.

We might blame others. We might ask "How could this happen?" or "Why did this happen to me?" We can no longer just move along as we were, without a care in the world. We have to abandon our route and find another.

When we are forced to interrupt our course, however, it often requires others to make sacrifices (or at least accommodations) for us. We may need to ask for help; we may need others to move aside or let us in. We may have to abandon selfish pride and throw up our hands and plead "Let me in!"

And sometimes they won't.

Unfortunately, there is no universal "fairness" law that governs that we will all have equal time as both mergers and mergees in life. At times, we will have the unlucky burden of being in the detoured lane in the middle of rush hour. At those times, we are mergers. Reliant on the kindness and understanding of others, all we can do is hope that a mergee sees our situation and for some reason lets us through.

At other times, (although most of the time we are unaware of it) we are mergees. People around us are being detoured, and are in need of help to continue down their road. We may think, "Thank goodness WE aren't in that lane." We may arrogantly scoff, "We're in the right lane, and those darn mergees will just have to wait their turn." We may ignore them, look past them, be completely oblivious to them, or worst yet - simply refuse to budge.

I've been a mergee. I've thought those things. I've been annoyed by people trying to inch their way into my lane. I've refused to let them in. I've stubbornly pulled right up onto the bumper of the person in front of me, just to teach that sneaky darn merger a lesson. "He won't get one over on me," I've thought. "Ask someone else, Buddy. Better you than me," I've thought. But it's not something I'm proud of.

Shameful, isn't it?

So I've been thinking: What kind of a merger or mergee am I? Am I a merger who is demanding and rude, cutting others off and getting angry when they don't allow me in their lane exactly how and when I want? Or am I patient and kind, understanding that others are in their own little world and see me as a nuisance trying to intrude upon their time and resources? When my path is disrupted, do I force myself on others, insisting that they go out of their way to accommodate me? Or can I learn to wait my turn, even when it's inconvenient?

Even more importantly, what kind of mergee am I? When I am in the fast lane, and someone else needs to merge, do I ignore them? Do I stubbornly refuse to let them in, even if it won't disrupt my traffic in any way? Am I one who will let people in, or am I arrogant in my "luck" to have chosen the right lane? Can I learn to let others in?

Today, as you drive through your day, pay attention to the mergers and mergees, (both those in traffic, and those in life in general,) and ask yourself if at the end of the day you are the kind of driver you can be proud of.

About Life in Motion

Life in Motion Coaching is owned by Jana Beutler Holland, a life coach, therapist, and personal fitness trainer in Tucson, Arizona. Jana and her husband own SWAT Personal Training, a personal fitness training company specializing in one on one personal training, small group fitness training, marathon training, boot camp fitness programs, weight loss and nutrition coaching and counseling, and Fitness for Kids.

Jana works specifically with clients from all over the world who are seeking to improve their lives, their attitudes, and their lifestyle behaviors. She works via phone or internet to work with clients on weight loss, goal-setting, identifying obstacles, overcoming negative self-talk, and figthing self-sabotage.

Jana's website is www.lifeinmotioncoaches.com

The SWAT Personal Training website is www.swatfitness.com