Over the past several weeks, I have had the opportunity to work with some personal training clients who live on the opposite side of town than I do. In making that long drive three times a week, I have a lot of time to contemplate. (This can be both good and bad.)
Last Monday morning, after instructing my 6:30 am Boot Camp Fitness Class, I was leaving East Tucson and heading back to "my side" of town. It was 7:30 am and traffic was extremely heavy. People (including me) were in a terrible rush to get to wherever they were headed. Some were talking on their phones, others were cutting in and out of traffic, still others were running lights or tailgating, and all of them completely oblivious to the needs of anyone else outside the comfort of their own vehicles.
As I approached a particularly busy intersection, traffic was beginning to back up. There appeared to be construction going on. There were cones set up in the road, indicating that anyone in the right lane (that would be mine, of course,) would have to merge into the left lane.
Like everyone else, my first thought was, "Why do they have to do this now?" But here I was, stuck in the "wrong" lane, like it or not, so I took a deep breath and tried to contain my aggravation. I inched forward, little by little, turned on my blinker indicating that I wanted to merge with the left-lane drivers, and after several failed attempts at subtlety, even tried a little honk with the horn.
I tried to be patient. I tried to be kind. No use. The cars in the left lane zoomed by me, one by one, ignoring my blinker, ignoring my open window and pleading gestures, and completely ignoring the fact that I, too, had someplace important to be. I had just had the bad luck of being in the wrong lane at the wrong time. The drivers looked through me completely, as if I were invisible, or even worse - looked at me with pity, but they didn't budge. They didn't slow down. They didn't let me in. They squeezed together tightly, so I couldn't creep in with the corner of my little car. And they left me there through 3 green lights and red lights, until finally, a kind soul slowed down just enough to let my front bumper into the line.
Of course, by that time, the light had turned red for a fourth time, so I sat in the middle of both lanes, half-merged into thru traffic, and felt defeated, waiting for the light to turn. But I was awfully grateful to that soul that had let me in and made the universal "thanks for letting me in" wave that we all know so well.
It occurred to me that day that the experience was a metaphor of life. That morning I was unlucky, like many of us, to have been caught unexpectedly in the wrong lane at the wrong time. How often do we wait in the "traffic" and chaos of our day, waiting to merge into a lane that wants nothing to do with us - wants nothing to do with our problems? Lessons in life can be big or small. That day it was small, but it got me thinking. There are metaphors in all things, including the lesson I learned that day. Forgive me if this one seems hokey, corny, or just plain stupid to you. For me, it was an epiphany.
Often, as we go down the path of our lives, the traffic is flowing smoothly, things are going well, people are doing what they're supposed to be doing, and things are going our way. Then there is suddenly an obstacle in our road. We get detoured. Something or someone gets in our path, requiring us to change direction, change plan, and find an alternate route that will still get us to our desired destination. We may get sick, have a death or illness in the family, get in an argument with someone we love, or struggle with any other number of life issues.
We might blame others. We might ask "How could this happen?" or "Why did this happen to me?" We can no longer just move along as we were, without a care in the world. We have to abandon our route and find another.
When we are forced to interrupt our course, however, it often requires others to make sacrifices (or at least accommodations) for us. We may need to ask for help; we may need others to move aside or let us in. We may have to abandon selfish pride and throw up our hands and plead "Let me in!"
And sometimes they won't.
Unfortunately, there is no universal "fairness" law that governs that we will all have equal time as both mergers and mergees in life. At times, we will have the unlucky burden of being in the detoured lane in the middle of rush hour. At those times, we are mergers. Reliant on the kindness and understanding of others, all we can do is hope that a mergee sees our situation and for some reason lets us through.
At other times, (although most of the time we are unaware of it) we are mergees. People around us are being detoured, and are in need of help to continue down their road. We may think, "Thank goodness WE aren't in that lane." We may arrogantly scoff, "We're in the right lane, and those darn mergees will just have to wait their turn." We may ignore them, look past them, be completely oblivious to them, or worst yet - simply refuse to budge.
I've been a mergee. I've thought those things. I've been annoyed by people trying to inch their way into my lane. I've refused to let them in. I've stubbornly pulled right up onto the bumper of the person in front of me, just to teach that sneaky darn merger a lesson. "He won't get one over on me," I've thought. "Ask someone else, Buddy. Better you than me," I've thought. But it's not something I'm proud of.
Shameful, isn't it?
So I've been thinking: What kind of a merger or mergee am I? Am I a merger who is demanding and rude, cutting others off and getting angry when they don't allow me in their lane exactly how and when I want? Or am I patient and kind, understanding that others are in their own little world and see me as a nuisance trying to intrude upon their time and resources? When my path is disrupted, do I force myself on others, insisting that they go out of their way to accommodate me? Or can I learn to wait my turn, even when it's inconvenient?
Even more importantly, what kind of mergee am I? When I am in the fast lane, and someone else needs to merge, do I ignore them? Do I stubbornly refuse to let them in, even if it won't disrupt my traffic in any way? Am I one who will let people in, or am I arrogant in my "luck" to have chosen the right lane? Can I learn to let others in?
Today, as you drive through your day, pay attention to the mergers and mergees, (both those in traffic, and those in life in general,) and ask yourself if at the end of the day you are the kind of driver you can be proud of.
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